John Woodington The official site for the author.

SlushPile Hell is FunnyPosted by John Woodington on July 30th, 2010

It’s Friday, so I had to find something to laugh at.  And I did.  I discovered the wonder of SlushPile Hell, which is a blog with the funniest, grossest, worstest things found in the query letter slush pile of this particular literary agent.

Funnier still, they held a contest for people to send in fake/humorous title to THE WORST CHILDREN’S BOOK…EVER.  And for your Friday enjoyment, I have re-posted the list below:

Our WINNER was:  @MJsRetweet:  Daddy Has an Itch. Mommy Smells Like Fish: A Child’s Rhyming Guide to STD’s  Congrats to @MJsRetweet!

And here are the rest of the Top 25 WORST CHILDREN’S BOOKS…EVER, in no particular order:

@SmolderingInk:  The Best Things to Drink Are under the Sink

@LynetteCurtis: Toy Story 3: Buzz Gets a Woody

@harleymaywrites:  Is Angelina My Mommy?

@C_Spaghetti:  Where the Wild Thongs Are

@Janet_Reid:  The Smith & Wesson Coloring Book for Kids

@AVgrl:  Ashley Has Two Daddies, and They’re Both Going to Burn in Hell

@KateHaggard:  Dismemberment Donny Needs A Hand

@SarahEGlenn:  The Secret Pot Garden

@Smolderingink: Princess Poledancer And The Twirly Tassle Gang

@Prettyandi:  Santa Clause, The Tooth Fairy & The Easter Bunny: Just The Beginning of a Lifetime of Lies

@Shelltex:  Math Will Make You Ugly

@Juniperjenny:  The Magical World beneath the Tarp on the Pool

@Thericeman: All Alone with the Internet: A Choose Your Own Adventure Story

@MJsRetweet: The Fog in the Looking Glass (and Other Ways to Find Out if Grandma’s Still with Us)

@alc417: A Buzzing in the Night: Why Your Wii Control’s Batteries Are Gone

@FrozenGlitter: It’s Not that Grandpa Doesn’t Love You, He Just Loves Drinking More

@jjdebenedictis: You Don’t Need to Think When You’re Pretty

@KarlShoemaker:  Furious George Gets Cut Off on the Freeway

@Tobywneal:  Why Do Grandma’s Boobies Touch Her Waist? (And Other Questions Not to Ask Out Loud)

@SarahEGlenn: You’re Not There, God. It’s Me, Christopher Hitchens

@GeneDoucette:  Rachel Has Seven Mommies: A Children’s Guide to the Book of Mormon

@Saraheolson: Things We Can’t Afford because Your Father Left Us

@EliasSerulle:  One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Mercury Poisoning

@LynneKelly:  Frog And Toad Are Friends with Benefits

How hard am I laughing?  So hard that I think I pinched my kidney.  Good weekend.

Inspirations of GreatnessPosted by John Woodington on March 23rd, 2010

Here’s something short and sweet for you.  Every once in a while I stumble upon something that reminds me of what great writing is, and what I strive to write in my own fiction.  I came across this work in McSweeney’s, and it made me laugh so hard I cried.

It is titled “Cowboy Deaths, In Descending Order of Degree of Dignity.”

Dealing with (Humorous) Literary RejectionPosted by John Woodington on February 26th, 2010

Here’s a short post for you.  I got a short story rejected by The Normal School, and to my surprise, included with this rejection was something I’ve never seen before.  Check it out.

I got rejected by The Normal School, and now I have this awesome sticker to remind me of that failure every day.  Actually, this made me genuinely laugh when I first saw it.  Everyone gets rejected as a writer (or as a human being).  Rejection is all part of the game, so there’s no reason to get down about it.  And I think that’s what The Normal School is showing with their rejection sticker.  Don’t take it too seriously, it’s all part of the game.

Funny FictionPosted by John Woodington on January 15th, 2010

After reading through the full draft of my novel AlieNation, I found that I have to change up the humor somewhat.  The initial idea for the novel was to have a humorous plot that revolved around the humorous incidents that happen in an office and the humorous things that might happen when people take things (like alien abductions) seriously.  After reading through, I found that a lot of the humor is forced, and a little juvenile, which undermines the credibility of the main character.  So I’ve got to work on that.

That said, I think the humor is going to be a good things as far as the readability of the story goes.  I know that when I’m reading something funny, I can’t stop, and can’t wait to find out what other humorous things happen later.  I hope that same driving force will drive readers through my novel.  In order to generate that narrative desire, however, I’ve got to polish the humor up a bit.  Give it some shine.  Take away the stuff a fifteen-year-old would say and replace it with more sophisticated, grown-up humor.

And I’ve got to change that title.  My wife said that when she saw it, she thought it was pronounced “Ally Nation” instead of “Alienation.”  So that’s not good.

That’s what rewriting is for.