Halfway TherePosted by John Woodington on December 7th, 2012

As of this coming Monday, I will officially be halfway done with my MFA degree.  Yeah, it’s been a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, but the end is within sight.

Well, I mean, there hasn’t been any actual blood yet (though I did rip my new jeans on the edge of the whiteboard when I was giving a presentation in class last semester).  And there haven’t been any actual tears yet either (’cause boys don’t cry, duh.  Everyone knows that.  Especially when it comes to writing.  We are cold-hearted, us boys, and we bottle up our sufferings and let them show through in only hazy understatements in the best of our fiction).  There has been some sweat, but they have medication for that.  Maybe at the Target pharmacy?

Speaking of sweat, did you know that here in Minnesota we call it “Ball Sweat,” but in Wisconsin they call it “Duck Butter?”  Yeah.  Weird.

I’m working on a short story that is currently far too long for my liking (meaning its length is killing my chances of publishing it).  I’m past the 10,000 word mark, which means either some drastic edits will have to be made before submission time, or I’ll have to let it be what it is–a long-ish story that sits on my computer’s hard drive forever and ever and ever.

I spoke with one of my most trusted blog readers yesterday, who informed me that she stopped reading my blog.  Based on this statement, I feel pretty safe to write whatever the H I want about her, without fear of repercussion.  ‘Cause she ain’t ever gonna read it.

Here goes:

REASONS MY FORMER BLOG READER IS A JERKY HUMAN

  1. She’s a girl.  What’s that about?
  2. Pretty sure she voted for Herman Cain in this election as a write-in.
  3. I walked past her cube and it smelled like a dead raccoon stuffed with ricotta cheese.  Yeah.  Like, a wet raccoon with moist cheese all stuffed in there.  I said to her, “Why does your cube smell like an Italian animal graveyard,” and she was like, “I don’t smell it.”
  4. She reads blogs.  What a nerd.
  5. Even though we live and work in Minnesota, she still calls it “Duck Butter.”  And she talks about it ALL THE TIME.
  6. I think she has an extra pinky, which looks pretty weird when she’s drinking tea in the proper style.

 

In any case, feels free to discuss this in the open amongst all your friends, since my former blog reader has none, so she won’t catch wind of it second hand.

Especially if that second hand as six fingers.

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